Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

If you know the answer to that question, you get a gold star. Simon had no idea.

Today we were photographing child models at the studio, who were naturally pretty cute. Between shots a little 7 year old British girl came up to me and asked, "Are you American?" I responded with an excited "Yes! How did you know?" She acted like the answer was obvious, "Because I watch Spongebob Square Pants on Nickelodeon." Then she was called back to the set to continue posing. And I was left to ponder the meaning of that message. Do I look like I wear whitie tighties? Are all us Americans that obnoxious? Later I taught her how to blow over the top of a glass coke bottle to make a tune, so maybe. Does she know that all* the music she likes and the good movies are American too?

I'm the only American who works at a pretty large fashion house and so I've come across a few crazy perceptions that people have of us. For example, at lunch, I was asked why the fruit in America is so big and perfect and shiny. But before I could respond, someone else answered that we were only allowed to serve genetically mutated foods in grocery stores and restaurants. And then the rest of the table all shuddered at how despicable that was. What?! Wait a minute. I had to set the record straight that Americans care to search out the best option in all things, fruit included, and that we were pretty competitive about our products. By then, no one was paying attention as they raved about the gooseberry tart. Made of tiny, non-shiny gooseberries.

Yesterday I was at lunch with some lovely British girls and I told them how polite and civil I felt the British people had been towards me. They acted surprised. Maybe coming from New York exaggerated the contrast of cultures, but the townspeople in public have been very courteous and seem to know their place. But these friends of mine told me that may be true on the outside, but that the English also don't say what they really think out loud. ... And at that moment I suddenly became very self conscious. Were we having the sincere, light-hearted conversation I thought we were having? Or is there another conversation going on in your head too? Maybe I should stick to talking about how awesome Kylie Minogue is, or how dreadful the weather in London is. Or how much I would love some tea right now. Those are safe.

This reminds me of the time Simon let our landlord into the flat to repair something. And for some reason he brought up the fact that he is "afraid of American women," seeming to forget that Simon was married to one. "They're so aggressive."

Here's a photo of Simon and the landlord hanging a mirror. Landlord left, Simon middle, anonymous henchmen, right.

*Okay, 99%. The Beatles and James Morrison are pretty dang good.