the chief

processed palace

I'm overwhelmed by the abundance in grocery stores here. There are so many options, it's almost sickening. It's even more sickening when your 2 year old is screaming, "MO NACKS! MO NACKS!" Which translates to "More snacks, please dearest mother, most honorable one." And you have to yell to be heard over the squeak-grinding of your cart wheels*, "Shhh. Please wait. You can have a snack in a minute." Mason was trying to escape from that plastic car thing attached to the cart. He soon figured out that he wasn't really steering this car after all, and after swiping a box of cherry tomatoes onto the floor as a distraction, he tried to make a getaway. Roman, meanwhile was being the pleasant angel he is, but having him strapped to me, meant I was slower and Mason sensed this weakness.

The shoppers could see and hear us coming through the aisles. I was almost too distracted to see their uncomfortable smiles, as they dove into the wall of cereal boxes to clear our path. As if I can't maneuver this thing.

One brave soul, however, approached us as if to speak. He handed me a business card.
"No thanks," I said.
"It's for a day care."
(groan) "I'm good."

So what does it mean when perfect strangers are recommending day cares to you? I didn't know either so we proceeded to fill our cart with giant pumpkins and (s)nacks.

*not to be confused with cart wheels

bath, england

What does it mean when we travel to a beautiful place and end up taking photos of mostly ourselves?

Bath was nicer than expected. We did our first house swap with a mansion in a private forest, with a pool, tennis court, trampoline, garden, playground, and toy room. Oh and cinema room. definitely spent more time at home than in the town. So maybe our perception of Bath was skewed somewhat.

We have a friend who is from here who can't stand to hear it pronounced "bath" as in "bat" so be made sure to say it right "bath" as in "ball" (even though we were only talking to each other the entire time).

The Roman Baths were amazing. I love going to the spa in general, and was fascinated by the (nude) hangout scene that happened here back in the day.

Over 130 of these tablets have been found here, on which bathers inscribed curses addressed to Gods like Hermes, against those who stole their clothes while they were bathing. There were also love tablets attached to locks of hair or clothing of the one you wanted to place a love curse on. Romans could buy pre-written love tablets with a spot to insert a name.

I remember as a child, my dad telling me that people never change, which I didn't believe because I thought the world he grew up in was so distant to my reality and he was too old to see that. But maybe he was right.

melt me

I know young mothers go on and on about their perfect babies way too often on blogs, so I thought I'd try not to do that. But I tried thinking of something else to say that describes him and can't. So I guess that's that.

suri cruise syndrome

It's Roman's 1/2 birthday. Once again I can't believe we've made it this far. I wasn't sure there was any room left in my heart to fully love another baby, the way a baby deserves. Seemed to me that all the space was already occupied by M and Simon.

The thing about Roman is, he's charming. Our love grew naturally- as would with a fancy new boyfriend, who becomes your best friend who never leaves your side. I can say that I love Roman more than I thought I could. This bond has brought us close through the hard times we've had together.

These last 6 (12) months have been a doozy. Let me tell you. A year ago I was in the throws of morning sickness (also on a boat in Greece, which didn't help). And it seems like yesterday that I was sifting through baby names with not-so-helpful baby naming apps on my iphone:

This pregnancy came with new aches and pains and a toddler to chase as well. Roman was born a perfect little baby, but soon struggled with silent reflux and eczema in extreme forms. We've enlisted live-in au pairs to help out and we're slowly getting back to normal life. It's been an incredibly challenging time for me, as I have been sleep deprived and stressed with trying to find answers to help him, and care for Mason and a house and work. I've often felt like I was trying to appear normal and say normal things in social situations when all I really wanted to do was curl up on the floor and fall asleep in a corner somewhere. I do, however, feel like we're ready to come out of hiding and participate a little more with reality. Starting with responding to many emails, and adding some posts. Roman has had a good attitude even though he's been uncomfortable, and loves to learn and play. He is so lucky to have Mason as a playmate from the start. Mason loves to make him laugh and they already play together on the floor.

I've been surprised to find how protective M has been of the baby. When someone else holds Roman, Mason cries and leads me to him saying, "baby baby" until I take him and he feels much better. If Roman is crying, he will pat him, hold his hand or rub his head, also leading me to him to help. Once Mason was sick himself, with a fever, and still tried to comfort Roman when he began to cry. I'm starting to see how it is that brothers are such an important parts of the other's life. I can't fully describe one without telling about his relationship with the other.

The best news on the horizon for our family is that we have our tickets booked to the states from Oct-Dec this year. It will be Roman's first trip to the homeland. I can't wait to show him off to family for the first time and give him room to roam (no pun intended).
Our last trip home, I was 5 months pregnant, and just flew straight from London with Mason on our laps. As the plane touched down, Simon leaned toward the window and said,
"I can't wait to party it up in LA tonight."

And was completely serious.

I told him to have fun because I was exhausted and going to bed. I felt him come home around 2 or 3 AM. I woke up around 9 and walked into the kitchen to find this piece of evidence on the table:


Simon wearing a zebra top hat at Dimples Showcase? Hm. I now have this photo on the fridge because it makes me happy to see my boys having a good time.

here comes the sun

Thanks Jen for the great photos!

romanticalities

Yesterday was one of those stressful night/mornings that made me swear I would never have another child. (I know this is a normal feeling for a mother of a 2 year old and a newborn, but still). I was starting yet another day exhausted, and I was grumpy. The baby was barfing down my shirt, which pooled into my bra, whilst Mason was having his first tantrum because I wouldn't let him color the furniture. I was depleted from a sleepless night, feeling anything but pretty. Simon was his usual chipper self, and in an attempt to lighten my spirits, leaned over and said,

"Guess what."

"Don't say it."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm not ready for it."

"Can I say it after work?"

"We'll see."

The poor boy only wanted to wish me a happy anniversary. I wanted our anniversary to be a special day and so far it was turning out to be a greasy, whiny, poohy mess. Last year I forgot it was our anniversary so I guess it's a step up from that. After Simon left, I realized that 2 kids in 3 years of marriage is a lot to handle, and I shouldn't expect anything extravagant. I called a sitter and begged her to come over for the rest of the day, and felt much better. Simon was able to come home early, so we walked together down the street with the baby- on our way for some head and neck massages, that we would take turns getting. It was just a block away, but that walk together was so nice. We held hands and it was the first warm evening in London. I would have never suspected that a simple walk down the block would have fulfilled my anniversarial dreams. Maybe it was just some peace I was craving.

As I lay there, trying to ignore the fact that the chinese man rubbing my shoulders had long fingernails and kept swallowing his phlegm, I thought about that morning. If someone had shown me that morning before I had gotten married, it would have scared me. I would have thought- How could you let yourself go like that? And -You look terrible-why can't you get that baby to sleep? And -Your house is a disaster; when did you stop caring? Back when I was young and foolish to the ways of motherhood, I swore I would never become a sloppy person with a messy house who can never find her keys. That's easy to say when you make your own working hours and sleep in until 10:30 every day, only to stroll to brunch. Then taking your time to preen yourself, before going out to do whatever you want until whenever you feel like it. Oh, and with a perfect little body you never have to work for.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining. I am. I'm just saying it like it is.

But, looking at the same morning from the other side, having seen everything that came before it, I wouldn't change anything. I would still want the same tiny flat in our great neighborhood. I would still want my mason and my roman as early as they came. I would still want to raise them myself, rather than pay someone else to do it. Which means I want baby Romes to be barfing over my shoulder, because I'm the one who loves him the most. I want to be the one helping Mason learn that tantrums aren't the answer, because no one will be more patient with him than I. And he probably needs my attention more than anyone else's anyway.

There were no gifts exchanged. Just some peanut butter cookies and a movie on the couch. We've packed 5 years worth of travel, business and babies into 3 years, which means we have 2 bonus years to chill out. Bring them on.

meet roman : he's new here.

The Story

January 17th. Cold, rainy night.

7.00 PM

I was dressed up, with some girlfriends and having contractions all through dinner. Someone asked me if I wanted to time them. "No, that's silly—these are nothing; happens all the time," I said and carried on eating my beautiful enchilada. Not due for another week. Friend tells me I look comfortably pregnant. Happy I took a cab home.

11.00 PM

Home now and crawling on the floor, complaining to Simon that my back hurts. He advises me to go to bed. Which I do.

1.00 AM

Ow, these braxton hicks are becoming bothersome now. Take a bath, get a drink, walk around. Not convinced.

2.00 AM

"Simon, we're going to have a baby today."

3.00 AM

Shouting commands out to Simon from the bath tub. "Pack him a bottle and extra clothes!" (Mason's day bag).

3.45 AM

Trying to walk down the stairs to the car. Have to break twice and sit down. Simon runs a red light.

3.50 AM

Trying to walk from the car to the lift at the hospital. Not going to happen. Get back in the car. Simon runs to fetch a wheel chair with birthing bag and blanket and pillow around his neck.

4.00 AM

Inside the hospital. Cursing the cold. Loudly. "Why is it so f*ing cold in here?!!" Start sobbing and blubbering about being so cold, turn to see there's a man standing next to me in the lift, acting like nothing outrageous is happening. Smile.

Get in nice, warm pool. Aaaaah. Finally relaxed. Happy, working hard. Pleasant conversation. Sleeping between contractions. Loving the water.

7.20 AM

Time to push already? Wow!

7.45 AM

"He's coming! I feel his head!" Baby born right into my arms. Lift him out of the water and onto my chest. He squeaks, squirmy, wet, and perfect. He's hugged by his mum and dad. roman is here.

Surprised at how much he looks like Mason. Keep calling him Mason by accident.

7 pounds, 2 ounces.

golden hair, blue eyes

1.00 PM

Sitting with my new baby, can't help but think about Mason. I miss him. I wish he was here to be part of this ….but not really because he'd be swinging from IV's and throwing syringes. They bring me a tray of bland potatoes, foamy "tang" and a pile resembling cole-slaw, just asking for a joke on British cuisine. Smile.

7.00 PM

The staff tell me their printer is broken so they can't give me my discharge paper and I'll have to stay the night here alone. I tell them I'm checking myself out and start walking out the door with baby. They scramble to get me a discharge paper and we go home as a family of four. Smile.